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6 Simple Steps To Building A Relationship With God

Relationship with God - woman praying to heavens

“How do I build a relationship with God?” is a question I’m often asked, and it’s tempting to make the process more complicated than it needs to be. This post is revised and updated from its first appearance in 2014.

“Good things as well as bad, you know, are caught by a  kind of infection.  If you want to get warm you must stand near the fire: if you want to be wet you must get into the water. If you want joy, power, peace, eternal life, you must get close to, or even into the thing that has them…They are a great fountain of energy and beauty spurting up at the very center of reality. If you are  close to it, the spray will wet you: if you are not, you will remain dry.”  ~ C.S. Lewis

Don’t make it complicated!

If you have a desire to build a relationship with God, you have already taken the essential first step. This desire sets your intention and focus. The rest is a matter of taking regular baby steps towards God and being open to what happens.

A dear friend of mine used to say, “If you want to shoot ducks, you have to go where the ducks are.” C.S. Lewis expresses much much the same idea—but more eloquently—in the quote at the top of this post. If you want to build a relationship with God, you have to go, metaphorically, to where God is and place yourself in His presence. Only in that way can you receive the gifts He wants to give you.

God is always present but never pushy

God is not going to knock you over to get closer to you. We have the freedom to invite Him into our lives or not. You’re not likely to wake up one morning with the certain feeling you’ve become friends with God (though that could happen). Like human relationships, it usually takes an investment of time and attention and caring, and it’s up to you to take the initiative of moving closer to God—of placing yourself in His presence and just abiding there. It’s rarely dramatic. You might not even feel anything at all at first. But when you do this over and over again, the emotion and belief will follow, and you’ll begin to trust He is with you and is guiding you.

Apply the KISS principle

Don’t make this hard – the KISS principle (keep it simple, stupid) comes to mind. Think of building a relationship with God just as you would a relationship with anyone else you might wish to know better:

  1. Take the time to touch bases with God, acknowledging and giving thanks for His presence.
  2. Invite Him to come close — to sit with you at your heart’s kitchen table and just hang out.
  3. Talk:  Some days this will feel like pouring out your heart. Other days, it will be casual chit-chat. Occasionally, all you’ll be able to manage is, “Here I am, Lord. Please be with me.” Between friends, it’s all good.
  4. Listen: Remember to make it a two-way conversation and expect to hear from God, just as you would from a trusted friend. God wants you to know how much He loves you. He wants to offer support and guidance to you. If you don’t take the time to listen, you won’t hear His “still, small voice.” For me, this communication from God comes in any of various forms: thoughts, feelings, music, reading, nature, other people, or circumstances. Sometimes I only recognize God’s voice in retrospect.
  5. Make contact throughout your day. Being in touch with God doesn’t have to be only during times of meditation or prayer. It can be while you’re on the run, when you’re in the midst of activities, or when you have a moment’s break. Malcolm Boyd wrote a wonderful book back in the sixties whose theme is still relevant today: Are You Running With Me, Jesus?
  6. Take action when you hear God’s voice. If you feel God is guiding you or telling you something, take action on it as soon as possible. The insight you receive may only show you where to take the next step, but once you’ve taken one step, the following step will appear in front of you. Even though there is electrical power in your house, the light doesn’t turn on until you have flipped the switch to harness that power. God’s power is waiting for you to remember to flip the switch.

I believe in the notion of the Trinity—God as three-in-one: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit—so when I go to Jesus in prayer or when I feel the power of God’s Holy Spirit, it is all God to me. If you identify with one form more than another, by all means, use that form in your visualization of God.

Make these six steps regular practices, and expect it to take time. This is a lifelong journey, not a sprint. You’ll find yourself gradually learning to recognize God’s voice and beginning to trust it. One day, you’ll realize you’re in a relationship with God that is treasured and invaluable in your life. Don’t confuse the emotion with the reality. Even with earthly friends, some days you feel closer than others. True friendships surpass the day-to-day vagaries of emotion.

Besides the insights of Holy Scripture, the books below by Hannah Whithall Smith, Catherine Marshall, Philip Yancey, and C.S. Lewis have all been meaningful to me in understanding how to build a relationship with God.

What resources or practices have helped you feel closer to God?

 “According to a natural law, we grow like those with whom we associate,  and the strongest character always exercises the controlling influence.”    ~ Hannah Whithall Smith

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Relationship with God - woman praying to heavens

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Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. What can we do without Him? Nothing meaningful absolutely. We should not make it a custom for us to go to God because of what we need. Beyond what we need He want something deeper and that is relationship. Thanks Elizabeth for this post.

    • Yes, and relationship takes time spent together, doesn’t it? Thanks for reading and leaving a comment.

  2. Their personal and spiritual successes have proven how fulfilling it is to write for the glory of God. God has gifted you with the ability to write. Use such gift in improving not just your life but also that of others.

  4. I’ve been on a holy pilgrimage with the holy Spirit for some time now,but still the way I want to hear His voice is not the way it’s coming!most times I pray in my secret place like I won’t pray again, and other times i will be too weak to pray,I just want to know this God and the power of His resurrection but sometimes my weakness get the better of me..
    And I’ve prayed but as if nothing is happening,but I won’t quit!I will strive hard untill I reach my goal.. thanks for this ma’am and involve me in your prayers.
    God bless you and more Grace

    • Heavenly Father, I give thanks for your servant Tijani who strives to know you and draw near to you. Give Tijani the gift of your Holy Spirit and an awareness of your presence. Amen.

  5. Thank you for this , it has really changed my ideology about my relationship with God, am bless to come across this, pls ma pray for me to be more enlighten as I am giving myself more to do his will

  7. As people become older, they tend to form more and more questions in their minds – “What do I want to do with my life?”, “What are my long-term goals?”, and “Where is my life heading to?” These questions usually come to mind whenever a person is dealing with a life crisis. They can cause a great amount of anxiety, fear, and stress, especially when one is completely clueless about what the future holds for him or her.

    • Thank you for reading and leaving both of these reflections, David. I agree that sometimes a life crisis can bring up lots of questions and anxiety. That’s why it’s so important to build that strong foundation of faith which will not erode like sand when the seas get rough.

  8. The ultimate goal of God’s overall plan for your life is to move you close to Him. He wants you to establish a strong and deep relationship with Him. So, to fulfill the plan of God, you need to surrender your life willingly to Him. Dedicate yourself to doing whatever it is that He desires for you to do. Be committed in serving God and in helping other people find their way toward Him. Be so much willing to live for Him in the same way that Jesus Christ was willing to die for you. It is when you surrender yourself to Him that you truly begin to recognize and feel His guidance.

  9. I love that you touched on the fact that God isn’t going to reach out to you without you putting in some effort as well. My brother is struggling with religion right now and he wants to learn more about it. I’ll try to find some books that he can read that will give him some good information.

  11. I tend to agree with you that you should listen for the still, small voice. I want to get back to church because I feel really empty inside. I think I just need God in my life to feel like I have a purpose.

    • Bob, I so appreciate your reading and commenting. Every spiritual giant I’ve ever read about describes at least one—often more—dark nights of the soul when they feel completely empty…like they’re going through a spiritual desert. You are not alone in this. In fact, I would say it’s a sign that you are being refined like gold. God is already in your life and you do have a purpose. We are not always given the vision of our purpose clearly. More often than not, all we can see is a single step, but when we take it, the next one appears. That’s why faith is so disconcerting. I miss church terribly, but I believe the true church is so much bigger than the walls of any building. I am praying for you to look deep within and not only find the still small voice, but also the light that is there waiting for you.

  12. If there is anything I have learnt today and will continue to hold unto is that , God isn’t pushy and he speaks to us in diverse way, imagine how he just spoke to me today, after I thought he was far away, he made me see this post which has jerked me back to the reality of life in God… He is always by my side, only if I care to engage him..

    Thanks Elizabeth

  13. Religious is one thing we must fight. We have been made to see God as an angry God that will must not always get loosed before Him. They make us lose that sense of humour that even God has. Thanks for all these steps. They are very practical.

      • Samson, I am moved that God led you to this post and that it helped you. Ibagree with you 100% that God speaks to us in so many different ways. Sadly, there are so many other “voices” out there, it is sometimes hard to discern, but we have to keep trying…keep placing ourselves back on the Potter’s Wheel to be formed and perfected.

        Thank you for taking the time to read and comment.

    • You are right that we often hang on to the Old Testament image of God. Thankfully, Christ walked among us to show a better way of Love.

      Thank you for joining this conversation, Christian.

  14. Great woman of The Most High, thank you so much for this powerful message. I became very happy throughout as I read this inspiring piece. Haven taken a look at my life, I realized that it is only God who understands me and can help me. This thought moved me to search for God and the same spirit brought me to this piece. I really enjoyed reading it and I pray that the Almighty God shall give you more wisdom to enlighten the entire generation.

    • Thank you, Christopher, but truly it is God who is great, not I. I so appreciate your taking the time to read this and letting me know that it helped you. My prayer for you is that you will continue to grow in the knowledge of God, his love, and his grace.

  15. It’s past midnight where I am located, I was feeling lost and weary of the life I was living. I typed “how to start a relationship with God” on Google and this was the first link I saw. I desperately need God in my life and I have not done my part in the relationship. Tonight, I begin a new journey with God in my life.
    Thank you

    • I am so moved by your comment and so grateful that you found your way to my post and that it was helpful to you. God does work in mysterious ways, including using Google! If there’s any way I can support you further, just reach out through the contact page or otherwise. You can find all the faith-themed posts on my blog with this link: https://heartspoken.wpenginepowered.com/category/faith/. And here is a post I wrote about books that have helped me in my own faith journey (and it is a continuing and far-from-smooth journey): https://heartspoken.wpenginepowered.com/7410/spiritual-books/. And here’s a review about a book in which many Christian leaders and authors shared the book titles that had made a difference in their lives: https://heartspoken.wpenginepowered.com/1549/indelible-ink/. But you seem to already have grasped the most important thing — to make up your mind that you will be open to God’s presence and do what you can to place yourself in his everlasting arms. Don’t let discouragement derail you. I am lifting you up in prayer right now.

  16. Thank you so much. I’m still trying to understand God and I don’t really understand it all (the Bible), but I want to love him and for him to be my father.<3

    • Bre, anyone who is honest will tell you that a life of faithful seeking for God and Truth involves living with a lot of questions and a lot of things we don’t understand. Your intention — that you want to love him — is the absolutely perfect foundation. Thank you for taking the time to read and leave a comment.

  17. I loved your advice to seek communication from God by reading and taking the time to listen to what you find there. My youngest daughter is wanting to become more faith-oriented this year and is looking for ways to do so. It’d be lovely if she could find a Christian literature resource library to find books for her to read in her spare time.

  18. Thanks soo much for this your message madam Elizabeth;
    In fact I am blessed a lot. What I lack is your point number 4, which is listening, and I hope I will improve in that.

    • Thank you for your very nice comment, Samandu. Yes, Listening is so hard with all the “noise” of the world constantly bombarding us. It takes determination and intention to become a better listener. Blessings on you and your desire to move closer to God.

  19. I love how you explained that God enters our lives if we freely let Him. I am a strong believer that God can only truly be in our lives if we let Him in. I know many people who just want Him to fix their problems but don’t want to open up to Him. The only way to get His help is if we let Him in.

    • Thank you so much for your kind comment, David, and for taking the time to read this. Yes, I agree with you. One of the stained glass windows in our very old church depicts Jesus knocking on a closed door. He won’t force his way in.

  20. Thank you very much for this post! This gave me great insight into building a relationship with God in a straight-forward manner. Thank you again for your advice.

      • I thank God I came across this post after so much taste to draw closer to God. More grace to you ma’am. I have found this post very useful and all the comments are very insightful and encouraging. This post is really helpful and will sure change my life for good.

        • Toyin, if it helps you in any way, to God be the glory. It was my fervent prayer that it might help someone. Thank you for taking the time to read it and send me this very nice note. Blessings to you.

    • Victor, thank you for taking the time to read and respond. I was also glad for you to share your own article. Anyone who sincerely wishes to strengthen their relationship with God is well served by reading different perspectives — one might resonate better than another, though I think your points were pretty well aligned with mine. Best wishes in the future of your blog.

  22. Take time to touch bases—yes! I think that is appropriately placed at number one! I feel spiritually healthy when I’m touching base with him about all kinds of things.

    • Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment, Amy. I am reminded of the saying (attributed sometimes to Wood Allen) that “80% of life is just showing up.” In our relationship to God, if we don’t show up, the rest of it can’t happen either. Thanks for this important perspective.

  23. Hello Elizabeth God bless you for this good work….. I was depressed, after going through this post have been enlightened. I will make sure I follow the steps if that will draw me closer to God, I just want to be close to God and cast all my cares on Him. Please Elizabeth can I be your friend on God’s word, I want to be more enlightened about the word of God.

    • We are all one in God, Glory, and keeping our eyes and hearts turned towards Him is the way to growth and enlightenment and peace. But it is not always easy, and as we all know, good, God-fearing men and women can still experience suffering. Depression is a nasty disease and I hope you are getting the help you need for it. However you are feeling, just know that God is right beside you.

  24. Hello Elizabeth.
    You nailed it in this post.

    Prayer is a very important part of our lives as Christians; it’s a way of communicating with God, a way of letting Him know our hearts.

    If you have difficulty keeping up with praying, attending a morning or daily prayer time on your campus or at your church at least once a week can make sure you’re making prayer a priority that you’re not skipping out on.

    • Thank you so much for visiting, reading, and commenting, Tochukwu! I so appreciate the tip about building in a routine to ensure that prayer time doesn’t get left out. I agree with you 100%, and that routine can look very different from one person to the next. I hope folks will click on the link embedded in your name to read your own take on this important spiritual question. Blessings to you in your own ministry.

  25. I like that your message is down to earth. I also very much like your book suggestions. I’ve never seen anyone else suggest Catherine Marshall’s books (not her fiction) and that has caught my interest!

    • Thank you so much for reading and commenting. The Catherine Marshall nonfiction book I remember most vividly (from reading it a long time ago) was called BEYOND OURSELVES. Maybe it was the timing in my life, but it introduced me to some spiritual concepts that have helped me greatly as I’ve lived life and faced challenges to my faith. One was the notion that even spiritual giants (maybe especially spiritual giants) experience periods of spiritual dry spells in which they feel God has abandoned them. The other thing I particularly remember from the book is what she called the Prayer of Relinquishment — the prayer we pray when we’ve gotten tired of pounding on the gates of heaven and we’re ready to relinquish everything to God — to finally say, “Thy will be done.” That can be a powerful turning point that can be in your spiritual journey, because you’ve finally stepped out of God’s way and given him permission to act on your behalf.

    • I’m so glad, Rebecca, and I appreciate your reading and sharing your thoughts. As with human relationships, the dynamics of a spiritual relationship with God will vary from person to person, so it’s important that we not try to compare ourselves to others and feel we’re somehow falling short or “not doing it right.” When our intentions are pure to want to strengthen our relationship with God, our most inadequate fumblings will be accepted with love. I’m sure of it.

  27. I would like to begin by first saying thank you. I have found this site very insightful and helpful.
    I think throughout my journey to know God the key thing that I have found to be of paramount importance is consistency. Without being consistent I have found myself being frustrated and being in a state of not understanding my purpose in life. You also mentioned this when you said, to try and make these steps above a regular practice. I believe through being consistent only then will we start to believe and see the manifestations of God.

    • Thank you, Oyin, for this very helpful comment. Yes, I find that if I wait to feel like being close to God — that time doesn’t come as much as if I make it a regular practice to place myself at God’s feet (figuratively) and often the feeling will follow. Isn’t it true with other things too? Exercise and other good habits work better when we’re consistent.

      • You are absolutely right, Debra. That’s true in our human relationships, so it stands to reason it would be true in our relationship with God. But we forget because we’re dealing with a spiritual presence instead of a physical presence. Thanks for this important reminder.

  28. Lovely post, Elizabeth. I especially like your #4 above – God speaks volumes to all of us, but sometimes, some of us are too busy to listen. God is present in so many wonderful ways, and He is always with us.

    • You are so right, Karen. When I said I often recognized God’s voice in retrospect, I was talking about the times when I was too distracted or too busy to recognize it at the time. I’m trying to be more aware, but it’s something that requires vigilance.

    • Thanks 😊 so so much for the message it has been a blessing to me and I pray God bless you with inspiring massages each day…🙏

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