Introducing Connection Messenger: Mimi Meredith
Sometimes finding our authentic selves is way more about letting things go than it is about taking new things on. I have a lifelong habit of constantly taking on so many things that sometimes I find my life totally out of balance, and then I can’t possibly do a good job with any of them. More troublesome is the way busy-ness can be a distraction that keeps me from developing those talents, skills, and passions that are the most critical to being my truest authentic self. Sadly, no one can tell me this, even with the best of intentions. Just ask my husband, because he’s tried! 🙂 I have to run smack up against a wall and then face the facts: something’s got to give.
I have found it comforting and inspiring to talk to other smart, creative women about this tension in their own lives. I was fortunate to discover Mimi Meredith in the last year. Mimi is a motivational speaker and relationship consultant, and we have become friends (we suspect we were twins in another life!) through my comments on the Bloomin’ Blog at her Goodness Grows website (no longer active).
On New Year’s Day, Mimi’s blog post really spoke to me about the value of cultivating what I have rather than adding more. “This year, instead of resolving to do something new or to change something that seems unfavorable, I’d like to challenge us to look at what we are that is good and make it great.”
I agree. It’s all too easy to spend time chasing things “out there” that we think we need to do, be, or achieve. Sometimes we just need to stop, take stock, and listen for that “still small voice” that affirms exactly where we are and guides us on ways to be our best self. Elizabeth, are you listening?
Claudia
Lately I feel I have to let go of a crap load of anxiety. I am having a really difficult time with all the kids gone, especially Dylan so far away. I have to keep telling myself everything’s gonna be okay, yet it won’t sink in. I have a constant lump in my throat and tears wellin up in my eyes and a heavy heart. Have I prepared him enough? Did I baby him too much? Does he feel that I doubt him? I knew it would happen but I didn’t do anything for myself. I can’t seem to learn to nurture myself. Why? How can I learn?
Elizabeth Cottrell
Oh, Claudia, you have beautifully and poignantly expressed the anguish experienced by countless mothers before you! It’s healthy that you are aware of your feelings–and probably the reasons for them. You’re not losing your mind! Look for other women who are a little older and who will not only understand what you’re going through (if they’ll admit it) but are living proof that you will live through it to get to a better place. I think I aged ten years in the first semester my daughter (and oldest child) went away to college. Now she is a beautiful, competent young woman who managed to do the impossible…survive — and thrive — without me! 🙂
Letting go is truly one of the hardest things most parents have to do, but we must. For their sakes and for ours. It is the absolutely best way to prove that we trust them (even when they stumble), and it’s the only way they’ll learn to fly on their own. The pain you’re feeling now will be forgotten when you begin to see them soaring into their own destiny. By letting them go with unconditional love, you almost guarantee that they’ll fly back to you again and again…in good ways! My children are now 30 and 31, and I can promise you this is true.
I’m not sure why it’s so hard for many of us women to nurture ourselves when we spend such a huge part of our lives nurturing others. I’ve written about this elsewhere at Heartspoken.com (“Is self-awareness self indulgent?”), but I think when it feels impossible, we just have to start with baby steps. Pamper yourself with a manicure or a massage. Read some of those books you’ve been meaning to read. Take that class that you keep thinking about. Get serious about that talent or ability or passion you have that you’ve always just dabbled around with. Many of us found fulfillment and comfort in getting involved in a worthwhile cause.
Certainly don’t rule out the option of getting some counseling if your heartache just doesn’t seem to ease up in a reasonable amount of time. I’m rooting for you and look forward to hearing back as you enter this next phase of your life journey.