I’ve been thinking and reading a lot about habits and the role they play in our behavior, primarily because I’m determined to cultivate better health habits and squash as many unhealthy habits as possible during 2015. It’s become crystal clear to me that understanding and knowing myself—connecting with myself, if you will—is critical to having a baseline from which I can implement desired changes
Two books I’ve just read have been interesting and motivating, so I wanted to share the recent reviews I’ve written of each:
- Better Than Before: What I Learned About Making and Breaking Habits–to Sleep More, Quit Sugar, Procrastinate Less, and Generally Build a Happier Life (available in all formats) by Gretchen Rubin
- Changing Your Life By Changing Your Habits: The Power of Making Habits and Breaking Habits (Available only for Kindle) by Dennis Becker
Better Than Before:What I Learned About Making and Breaking Habits–to Sleep More, Quit Sugar, Procrastinate Less, and Generally Build a Happier Life
by Gretchen Rubin, reviewed by Elizabeth H. Cottrell
Gretchen Rubin is a favorite author of mine, because she manages to combine professional and research-based content with a warm, inviting, and conversational style. When I’ve read one of her books, I feel as though I’ve had a heart-to-heart conversation over a cup of coffee with my best friend, and at the same time, I feel both informed and empowered to apply what I’ve learned. Rubin has established herself as a happiness expert, and in exploring what makes us happy and content, she stumbled on the notion of good habits and bad habits. The more she researched, the more she became convinced that habits play a critical role in happiness. “For good and bad, habits are the invisible architecture of daily life…In many ways, our habits are our destiny. And changing our habits allows us to alter that destiny.”
Since trying to form a new habit is all about setting an expectation for ourselves, Rubin feels it’s critical to understand how we tend to respond to expectations. In Better Than Before, therefore, she begins by establishing four essential personality types, or tendencies, when it comes to how we respond to expectations, making the case that most of us fall in one category or another: Upholders, Questioners, Obligers, and Rebels. She includes a quiz to help you decide what your own tendency is. Of course these four tendencies overlap, and we all exhibit characteristics of each, but I found it enormously helpful to use this concept as a frame on which to hang the rest of her information. Those who know me will not be surprised to learn I’m an Obliger.
The author provided fascinating insights about the role of habits in exhibiting self-control. “Habits make change possible by freeing us from decision making and from using self-control.” She believes that in general, most of us seek changes that allow us to:
- Eat and drink more healthfully
- Exercise regularly
- Save, spend, and earn wisely
- Rest, relax, and enjoy
- Accomplish more
- Simplify, clear, clean, and organize
- Engage more deeply in relationships
The book explores these and the process of habit-formation in depth, sharing fascinating findings from researchers on what actually works—and what doesn’t—in helping us make improvements in these areas. You’ll find not only tips and tricks you can implement immediately, but also lots of things to watch out for that might sabotage you if you’re not paying attention. I found myself laughing out loud, nodding at many “Aha” moments, and smiling in recognition of my own habits and tendencies.
I love the notion that we don’t have to strive for any absolute end-point, but rather continually strive to be “better than before.” To do that requires some self-examination and monitoring. When you finish this book, you will know yourself better and be equipped to effectively tackle those habits that will make you happier.
Changing Your Life By Changing Your Habits: The Power of Making Habits and Breaking Habits
by Dennis Becker, reviewed by Elizabeth H. Cottrell
I’ve long since lost count of how many self-help books I’ve read in my life, especially ones having to do with healthy eating, weight loss, and fitness. And since I’m not as healthy or as fit as I’d like to be, that means I’ve read a lot of things that I didn’t put into practice. I started reading this book because I like the author’s business books, but to be honest, I didn’t have high expectations that he could deliver something that others didn’t. I was wrong! What makes this book special is that when you finish, you DO something! Here’s why:
• The author is not preaching; he’s guiding you along on a journey he’s made himself.
• The author has a gift for encouraging the reader and conveying an “I know you can do it” message without being cheesy.
• The approach to habit change is sensible and implementable: Identify one habit at a time that needs to change, and focus on just that one thing for a certain period of time before adding another habit that needs to change. Repeat. This layering of one small thing at a time adds up to become a new pattern of behavior from an accumulation of improved habits that feels much more manageable than other approaches.
The proof’s in the pudding: The day I finished the book, I took the author’s advice and started a journal, in which I identified some health and fitness goals, some emotions around those goals, and some habits that needed to be changed if I was going to achieve those goals. I identified several habits and selected one habit at a time to focus on for a week before adding another habit. Now, a month later, I have four habits that I’ve improved:
1) I’m drinking more water every day
2) I’m getting more daily movement
3) I’m getting more sleep
4) I’m not eating snacks between supper and bedtime
I’ve lost a pound a week without special dieting, and if I do nothing more than maintain these four habits for a year, I’ll feel so much better by this time next year.
This book is simple, logical, and easy to read. If you think changing your habits will help you reach your goals, give it a try.
Learning To Hear Our Shepherd’s Voice: Jesus, The Good Shepherd – John 10:11-18
I liked reading your reviews of these two books, and the reminders of how important GOOD habits are. I have developed some great ones since I became an empty nester – found it easier to exercise, meditate, eat the healthy things I like, once the kids were off on their own. I’m now trying to get into the habit of WRITING more – sitting down at the computer/notebook and writing, instead of checking out e-mail or FB or starting a grocery list. 🙂 To help, I’ve written myself a daily schedule (1/2 hour e-mail, then 1 hour write, then 1 hour of exercise) to help the habit stick. Let’s compare notes when we see each other in June!
Yes, indeed, Pamela, let’s DO compare notes in June! I’ve been focusing on health habits, but I must, must, must develop some better writing habits. I took a wonderful nonfiction writing course a couple of years ago called “Damn Fine Words” taught by James Chartrand. She spent at least two lessons on the importance of creating a good writing environment and also creating set writing routines.
I have been trying to change my habits to eat healthier and I find that replacing something bad for me w/ something good for me has been beneficial. For instance, in the morning I used to drink a glass of sugary orange juice but now I drink a glass of water with 1/2 of a fresh-squeezed lemon. One habit I can’t seem to break is my desire for fast food and the drive-thru is much too convenient! The first book you talked about sounds especially appealing to me – I’ll have to check it out!
Cari, thanks so much for sharing your tip about the water and lemon juice. I’ve heard that’s helpful to people — I have a friend who likes to put fresh lemon juice in hot water and drink it like tea. Along the same line, I know someone who was trying to break the habit of a glass of wine every night before dinner. It helped her to substitute a fruit juice cooler with sparkling water and drink it from a wine glass.
I totally understand the allure of fast food — it’s just so darned convenient. Thankfully most of the chains are offering a few healthy options on their menu. Thanks for sharing your experience and for sharing the post on Twitter!
Some of my habits are good, some, not so good. I do try to move every day (just after reading this article, I got down on the floor and did my yoga and stretching, then did 15 push-ups), and for the most part, I eat pretty well. I guess one of the habits I have that I’d like to break is I find myself complaining about things, sometimes a little too much. I imagine listening to myself and think, “Quit being a downer.” So I will start with that one and try not to complain too much today! I like starting with just one thing, and then, after making that a habit, moving on to another one.
Hey, Karen — good for you for sticking with the daily movement. The older we get, the more important that is. I find it all too easy to go for way too long without getting up to move and stretch. I’m really glad you mentioned the habit of tending to be “a downer,” because it’s not something often listed in the category of habits, but I think it really is. For some, their default is just a glass half empty instead of half full. But acknowledging that is half the battle. I’ve heard others who try to change this habit, and they often find that making a daily gratitude list is helpful– then review the list from time to time and realize how much you’ve had to be “up” about.
It’s not that I’m a chronic complainer…I’m mostly “half full.” But I realized a while ago that I do complain…about the weather (but, hey, there is a lot to complain about on that front), frustrating situations, and a few other things. I made it through the day (I think) without complaining once! And I put a note on my desk at work – “Quit Complaining.”
You go, girl — I couldn’t imagine you were a chronic complainer, but I sure do know a couple of people who are…still, your point is well taken that even minor complaining can become a habit. Realizing you’re doing it is a huge step towards doing it less!