When someone loses a beloved pet, it’s important to reach out and let them know they’re not alone. Here’s some help for what to say.
Part of living the #HeartspokenLife is opening your heart to others and feeling their pain and loss. Yet even when we do, we sometimes have a hard time knowing what to say or how to act. The loss of a pet can be particularly difficult because not everyone understands or feels the need to reach out. Some can even be dismissive (“It’s just a pet” or “Thank goodness it wasn’t someone in your family.”) But to many pet lovers, the pain of losing a beloved pet is every bit as piercing as losing a human loved one. A recent experience with a friend’s loss brought this to mind and I wanted to offer some ways to support friends experiencing this kind of loss.
Pain in a friend’s words
My friend and her husband had lost two pet cats and their whole litter of baby kittens within just a few days. The cause seemed to be adult cat illness and death when the kittens were too young to survive without them. The precious babies died one by one, in spite of the owners’ frantic attempts to feed and care for them. The loss was devastating. They were understandably bereft and reaching out for comfort. She shared her words of anguish in a private online group, “I know they came to us to let us love them, and that we did, in abundance. But I do not feel strong and I am so tired with the tears from the last few days.”
Oh, how I wanted to reach out and hug her…make the pain go away if I could. I felt helpless to make a difference. I did respond online but also sent them a snail mail sympathy note.
Not knowing what to do or say is no excuse
Don’t let this feeling of helplessness keep you from reaching out to those who have suffered a loss, whether human or animal/pet. We can rationalize that there is nothing we can say or do to make a difference or assuage their pain. We may think we don’t know the person well enough to intrude on their time of mourning.
Reach out anyway.
Let them know you’re thinking of them. Send an email or a personal note. Make a phone call. Even if you are not an “animal person,” remember that many people are and that the loss of a beloved pet can be every bit as painful as the loss of a family member. Don’t try to “fix” the situation, because you can’t. Just hold them in your heart through your communication so they’ll know they’re not alone.
I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.
~ Maya Angelou
Words of comfort
The beautiful responses from others in the online group were proof positive that the experience of pain and loss around the death of a pet was something many had experienced and understood only too well (I omitted names for privacy reasons but I thank everyone who reached out to my friend in such heartfelt ways). The next time you want to comfort someone who has lost a pet, perhaps these examples will give you some ideas for what you might say:
I am heartbroken for you! Losing any beloved furry family member is devastating, I know from personal experience many times over. But I can hardly imagine how overwhelming and unbearable the death of so many in such a short period of time would be. But let me assure you (or remind you) that, just like with human beings, the love we give and receive in return is so worth the pain of losing the beloved. It’s awful to endure the loss and grief, but remember the love you shared and the heartwarming memories you have of these five. Life is nothing without love, which comes in many forms, for and with many creatures. God bless you and I hope you can feel supported and encouraged by how many empathize with you. Much love from me to you.
Those fur babies went back to the God who loves them beyond measure, and who is so grateful that you and your sweet husband loved them and cared for them with all your hearts. It is so painful because they became a part of your family. I firmly believe that our furry family members will live with us in the life to come, they will be ours for eternity where there is no death to separate us. I would hazard a guess that they miss you too and the separation is just as painful for them. Love and hugs that you all will feel peace and be comforted.
I’m so sorry you lost those precious little cats. Don’t think for a minute that you aren’t strong. It takes great strength to love and to care for vulnerable animals and people. Your tears are most definitely not a sign of weakness…Give in to those tears and be watching for the next creature to love. So many kitties and puppies, poor people, lonely elderly…just waiting for a big-hearted person to be there for them.
I send love and healing vibes for your broken heart. I’m sorry for your loss.
It is always okay to say something like, “Words are so inadequate, but I wanted to reach out and let you know I am thinking of you with love and sympathy.”
Do animals go to heaven?
“I dedicate this book to my beloved fifteen-year-old black Lab, Venus, whom I had to release to God while beginning to write this book. Without any apology, lightweight theology, or fear of heresy, I can appropriately say that Venus was also Christ for me.”
More inspiring quotations about losing a pet
When you can’t come up with your own words, share these quotes:
I have sometimes thought of the final cause of dogs having such short lives and I am quite satisfied it is in compassion to the human race; for if we suffer so much in losing a dog after an acquaintance of ten or twelve years, what would it be if they were to live double that time? ~Sir Walter Scott
The essential joy of being with horses is that it brings us in contact with the rare elements of grace, beauty, spirit, and freedom. ~ Sharon Ralls Lemon
Not the least hard thing to bear when they go from us, these quiet friends, is that they carry away with them so many years of our own lives.~ John Galsworthy
CLICK HERE for many more expressions of comfort to send someone who has lost a pet of any kind.
Cards that express your sympathy when a pet dies
I usually write on a generic notecard, but I found these lovely cards on Amazon that include beautiful sentiments. I’ve just ordered some to have on hand. Click on the images for more information. When you make an Amazon purchase using my affiliate links, you are supporting the work of this blog.
What words or actions have comforted you when you’ve lost a pet? Please share in the comments below.
Excellent pet care tips
You can also check out pet care tips at Fuzzy Rescue. Their site includes excellent guides and resources to help you make the best decisions when it comes to the care of your beloved pets.
Want more resources for writing personal notes?
I invite you to join our private Facebook group called “The Art of the Heartspoken Note” We share ideas and inspiration for ways to spread love by snail mail.
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Beware Being Too Preachy
I can’t simply go without leaving a comment. This post is a great read.
I hope you can take the time to read my post as well (Six Ways to Cope With the Death and Loss of Your Cat).
Thank you so much, Lynda. I’m heading over to see your post right now. Thanks so much for reading and commenting!
I have a freind who just lost her beloved pet Spike, He was shot in the road for no good reason and thrown behind the dumpster… I have no idea how to help her with this.
That is absolutely horrible! When there is nothing but evil behind an act, it makes no sense to the rest of us, and all our normal rules or ideas for what to do go out the window. Be present with her as much as you can — or as much as she seems to want. Except being aghast at what happened, I don’t see how anything you can say will help. Just be with her, let her vent, cry, scream, or shake a fist at God. He can handle it and you can pray that she will be given some comfort. I am sending prayers for you both.
Someone I know has lost a cat due to it having cancer. These quotes were an inspiration of what I said to them. Thank you for telling us these eloquent quotes. They are very beautifully and thoughtfully written.
Katie, I am so glad you found some help for reaching out to your friend. And I especially appreciate your taking the time to read and comment.
So beautifully said Elizabeth and such thoughtful effort you put into giving us all these resources.
Pamela, thank you. Your help was immeasurable and your ongoing support mean a great deal.
This is truly great advice; our personally known animals are sometimes closer than family. Your tips remind me, and will come in handy for friends in need.
Judy, I’m so glad you found this helpful. I write a lot of notes to people for all kinds of circumstances, but some are harder to find the words for than others. When I come across words and phrases that are particularly meaningful, I add them to my “swipe file” for later use. Thank you so much for taking the time to read and leave a comment!
You’ve share some beautiful sentiments in this article, Elizabeth. Thank you. I’m one of those people who are usually at a loss for words.
You are definitely not alone, Denise. I’m glad to see more notecards designed specifically to send to those who have lost a pet. It really helps when you don’t have to come up with the main sentiment yourself. But as I said in the article, people will remember that you reached out long after they remember what you actually said. Thank you so much for reading and sharing my post!
Thanks for these lovely thoughts, Elizabeth. I do struggle to know what to say. And when I’ve lost beloved dogs, I told no one for weeks. Because I didn’t think they’d understand anyway.
Thank you for reading and sharing your reaction to this, Cynthia. I’m not sure where we got the idea that we shouldn’t grieve openly over a beloved pet, but I think your reluctance to tell people is very common — and rooted in the fact that some people are so uncomfortable being around those who are grieving that they become inappropriately dismissive. I hope we can all learn to me more comforting and compassionate.