The notion that “Love means you never have to say you’re sorry” is all wrong. My guest today, Connection Messenger* Annette Petrick, shares her perspective on using those two powerful words “I’m sorry” to heal and strengthen a loving relationship.
CLICK HERE to listen or find the complete transcript on the Consider This Radio Show website.
Apology is a regretful acknowledgment of an offense or mistake. To really mean something, it needs to be expressed with sincerity. When delivered as a learning experience, it is powerful.
All that, simply by saying, “I’m sorry.”
Be humble. Set your ego aside. It’s so much more authentic than sticking to your guns, even when you know you are wrong, or have been proven wrong. Respect is expressed by an apology. Love is demonstrated by making amends. Saying “I’m sorry” won’t take it back, but it should make it better.
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Annette Petrick for Consider This
Annette Petrick is the creative genius and inspired storyteller behind the Consider This Radio Show, featuring 90-second episodes serving up “timely perspectives on life, love, friends, family, giving back, and giving thanks.” Be sure to get on her email list HERE. She sends out a new 90-second episode every Sunday morning.
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Excellent points, Esther. Clarify that of which you are sorry. Again, it will not take the issue off the table, but it’s a start.
Rather than the two words “I’m sorry”, for me the meat of her message is in the direction to tell the other person how you got off track…what it is you’re sorry for. Just saying “I’m sorry” can get to be a “get out of jail free” card, as if the two magic words erase whatever happened and now, if the one who was wronged in the first place isn’t instantly forgiving, it’s his/her fault for holding a grudge. Clarify what it is you are sorry for, show you understand how it made the other person feel, and let that person know you are truly sorry for having hurt/disappointed/distressed him or her. At least that’s my take on it.
I think you nailed it, Esther — and that was a more subtle part of what she said. But I agree it’s really, really important. We all know people who have said they were sorry but you knew they just didn’t get at all how they had hurt you or why.
No matter how long we live with people—parents, children, or spouses—that still doesn’t make them mind readers. When they say something that hurts you, I’ve it really found it helpful to say, “It sounds like what you’re saying is [fill in the blank] and that makes me really feel [fill in the blank].” Sometimes I learn from their response is that what I thought I heard was not what they meant at all.