It’s “Connect with Others” Week
The second week of each month this year will focus on “Connect with Others.” Let me start by telling you a true story.
The last month has been, for me, a time of introspection and tough questions.
- What am I really trying to accomplish here at Heartspoken?
- Does it really matter?
- A year from now, will I wonder why I invested so much time and energy in exploring the theme of connection?
Frankly, I was beginning to doubt myself…to suspect that these ideas that all seem so meaningful to me might just be too “loosy goosy” to be helpful for anyone else. I prayed. I meditated. I asked for guidance.
Bang! The guidance came…
The first thing that happened was a message from my new friend Karen Elliott telling me how much my blog had meant to her in the last year. Later that week, on the same day, two different people sent me a link to the powerful 20-minute presentation below given by Dr. Brené Brown. It chronicles her belief in the critical role between connection and happiness, to which she devoted six years of fascinating research that yielded life-changing findings. Getting this video from two different places was, to me, a “hug from God” that seemed to say, “Yes, connection is important.”
The connections are connected…
Please notice the way connection worked for me here: I was connecting with myself (introspection) when my connection with God/Source (prayer/meditation) provided guidance that enhanced my understanding about connection with others (messages and video sent by friends on the topic of connection). The connections are inextricably connected, and each one enhances the others!
So in this first 2012 post about “Connecting with Others” I share this video, because I believe its lessons will help each of you connect with other people in your life in a much more meaningful way, even though it must start by connecting with yourself. If you want the Cliff notes, here are a few key points from it (but trust me, you’ll be glad you watched the video):
- “Connection is why we’re here.” It brings purpose and meaning to our lives. The ability to feel connected is neuro-biologically how we’re wired.
- What causes us to feel disconnected [from others] is often shame—the fear that there might be something about us that makes us unworthy of connection.
- Those people (of hundreds she interviewed) who had a sense of worthiness, love and belonging were those who had the courage to be imperfect, the compassion to be kind to themselves and others, and the connection that came from authenticity. “They were willing to let go of who they thought they should be in order to be who they were…They fully embraced vulnerability.”
Do you agree with Dr. Brown’s findings? Do you find it hard to embrace vulnerability and let people see the “real you?” Do you agree the ability to do so can make it easier for you to connect with others? Share your thoughts in the Comments below, or join the conversation at my Facebook Page.
Dr. Brené Brown is a researcher and professor at the University of Houston, Graduate College of Social Work, where she has spent the past ten years studying a concept that she calls Wholeheartedness, posing the questions: How do we engage in our lives from a place of authenticity and worthiness? How do we cultivate the courage, compassion, and connection we need to embrace our imperfections and to recognize we are enough — we are worthy of love, belonging and joy? Brené is the author of I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t): Telling the Truth About Perfectionism, Inadequacy, and Power (2007) and The Gifts of Imperfection (2010). Her blog “Ordinary Courage” is well worth your time. Connect with her on Facebook and Twitter.
I’m imperfect, and I embrace it! Who’s perfect? Nobody. For years (about 30 of em) I worked to be the person the husbands forced me to be, the person my friends wanted me to be, to conform. There was a disconnect between who I really am and who I should be according to the people around me. I have tossed the toxic people. I avoid selfish people. I embrace those willing to give of themselves. At times, I am cautious about new relationships – personal and professional – and this comes from years and years of disappointments, being used and abused. But I have opened up to one-on-one connections, not blanket connections forced on me by FB, Twitter, etc. When you make a one-on-one, it’s so much more cozy. Thank you Brené and Elizabeth.
Karen, it’s hard to imagine that you were ever anything but the totally authentic person I have come to know, but I SO appreciate your sharing this, because I believe when we share our stories, it gives other people the insight and courage to make changes that can enrich their lives too.
You have taught me a lot, Karen, about the importance of those one-on-one connections with online acquaintances. It’s easy to get dazzled by the coolness of automating apps and forget that a personal acknowledgment, tweet, shout-out, or email takes very little more time and is way more meaningful. Thank you!
There ARE toxic people in the world. I have made the mistake of hanging on to some of them too long, thinking I can help them or fix them (such an egotistic delusion!), but it can take an emotional toll unless you are extremely aware and guarded.
Right after I left the comment above, I finally sat down to open the mail. From my friend Ann came a card. On the front it is a quote from Zora Neale Hurston, “There are years that ask the questions and years that answer.” The sentiment inside is Listen to your heart and you will know just what to do. And then Ann added (because your heart speaks to God, and God speaks to you through it.) So, here I am full of emotion and wonder at the true power of connection.
Whoa…so amazing that these “signs” are coming to you, Mimi, but also that you are open enough to recognize them.
Yes, of the four types of connection on which I focus in this blog, I would have to say that Connection with Self is, for me, the most challenging, because I’ve equated it in the past with selfishness and self-indulgence. I have come full circle to realize that only when we recognize and appreciate our real selves…warts and all…can we offer that same authenticity and acceptance to others.
This is often hard for those of us who are logical and sensible and intelligent. We like to overthink things! It’s hard to embrace the mystery of all this, but oh, how wonderful when we do!
I loved this TED talk when I saw it last year. I think it is absolutely YOU! Elizabeth, thank you for reminding me of the three sources of connection. The one I’ve totally failed to tune into the last challenging months has been myself. I will begin tomorrow with a new insight and minding with more care all my connections. Thank you so very much for the timing on this. It was just exactly what I needed to hear in the midst of connection week!